It can be shocking to see two people who were deliriously happy in their marriage file for divorce. Sadly, this is an occurrence that happens all too often, leaving people wondering what went wrong.
But divorce does not just happen. Often, several events will precede a marital breakdown, events that can be avoided with just a bit of foresight, and the willingness to make things work.
Marriages are collaborative, and with the right assistance, spouses can move beyond petty grievances. However, if one party ceases to be as willing as the other, or both parties cease to be willing. The marriage begins to spiral down at an alarmingly rapid pace.
Heidi Risser has gained experience being one of the skilled Charlotte NC divorce mediators. She has been able to see, based on experience, some of the things that destroy a marriage. Here are the top 5 you and your partner should avoid.
#1: Dishonesty
While there are different kinds of dishonesty, it essentially amounts to the same thing – being unable to trust your partner with the truth. Dishonesty can be about finances, about your feelings, or just general dishonesty. It creates holes in a marriage when one party is constantly lying about everything. It makes it difficult for the other party to trust their spouse. Dishonesty about how you feel will pile up and fester until one day somebody cannot take it anymore.
#2: Disrespect and Devaluing
It usually starts as a little bit of teasing, laughing, and making jokes at each other’s expense, especially in public. But more often than not, somebody crosses a line without realizing it then it becomes hurtful and embarrassing to the other party. If by your actions or words, you constantly open your partner up to unwanted ribbing, it may create cracks in your marriage.
#3: Immaturity and Pettiness
A relationship thrives on a healthy dose of compromise and selflessness. Mundane issues should not be cause for intense arguments. Both parties need to understand that they do not have to be right all the time. If one or both partners store up the other party’s faults and wrongs like ammunition, it becomes a recipe for disaster.
#4: Turning your attention away from your spouse
It can be easy to get lost in your work for a few hours. But if you are constantly putting work or kids above your spouse, it passes across the message that you are not interested in them. In marriage, both parties should strive to consciously and consistently put each other first. If one party feels neglected and unloved, they may try to seek this validation elsewhere and that does not bode well.
#5: Lack of proper communication
This is a major reason for failed marriages. Couples should always talk to each other, not at each other. Always clarify and seek clarifications because assumptions are often false and bring about unnecessary heartaches. You cannot always judge your partner’s actions through the haze of what you are feeling. Your partner cannot read your mind and neither can you read theirs. If they do not know that something is wrong, how can they go about fixing it? The solution is to talk about it.
Although there are certainly more reasons as to why marriages fail, these are some of the major reasons. Being aware of these things can go a long way in sustaining a marriage. Skilled Charlotte NC divorce mediator,
Heidi Risser, has helped many couples identify and work through these issues. She understands the hurt of a failed marriage and is committed to helping you succeed. If you would like to contact us, reach out to us on our website.