Author Archives Heidi Risser

Mediation Training with Sandra Lee

Posted by Heidi Risser
on March 22, 2019

Once again, I am training new mediators with Mark Riopel and Ketan Soni. We have another fantastic class of mediators. Our community is going to be filled with very experienced family law mediators.

My hope is that our clients will choose mediation instead of litigation to handle their family law issues.  To inspire everyone, Sandra Lee came to speak to the class.  She offered her view of mediation from the viewpoint of a non-lawyer mediator.  She has built up a thriving mediation practice over the years and helped thousands of people make better decisions about their lives and families. 

Sandra Lee and I stand side by side hugging after our mediation training.
Sandra Lee inspires students to write their own story of their divorce through empathetic and strategic mediation.

She gives the power to her clients, telling them that they can write the story of their divorce.  It can be peaceful through mediation and settlement, or it can be acrimonious through litigation. 

Sandra inspires me to give the power to my mediation clients, and to give them the credit when mediation succeeds.

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Walk and Talk: A New Way to Network

Posted by Heidi Risser
on February 21, 2019
My friend David Herring and I love to "walk and talk" to catch up on each other's practices.
My friend David Herring and I love to “walk and talk” to catch up on each other’s practices.

Networking is critical for any attorney to build and to maintain a law practice.  Most of the time, I have lunch or dinner with people.  Sometimes, I schedule a “walk and talk.” 

My friend and fellow collaborative family law attorney, David Herring, likes to go for a walk while we catch up on each other’s practice.  He and I have busy schedules, so we usually have to plan it a few weeks in advance. 

We meet up, usually at a convenient park, and walk around while we discuss current issues with collaborative law or running a law firm as a solo practitioner.  We have been doing this for over a year, and David and I really enjoy it.  It gets us out of our offices, and we get a little exercise in the fresh air. 

Networking with David was so nice, I had to capture it twice!
Networking with David was so nice, I had to capture it twice!

Coincidentally, I was reading in the Wall Street Journal today about “walk and talk” meetings.  The examples in the paper do not resemble what I am describing.  In the WSJ, everyone is dressed for an office setting, and it might be inconvenient to have a walking meeting in heels. 

Also, the WSJ described situations in which the boss just drops by a desk and requests a walk and talk meeting.  In my “walk and talks,” both of us are dressed to walk and the time and location are agreed upon far in advance. 

I think networking during meals is a great way to network, but I want to offer up this alternative, because not every networking meeting needs to involve food.

I would love to hear what you think of “walk and talk” meetings or other unconventional ways to network!

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Mediation Training at UNC Charlotte

Posted by Heidi Risser
on January 23, 2019

On Friday, January 11th, I had the opportunity to conduct a Mediation Training course, with Ketan Soni and Mark Riopel, for the department chairs of UNC Charlotte.  I was a little nervous to lecture in front of professional lecturers, but that nervousness was short lived.  The professors were very receptive to what we had to say.  I had a misconception going into this training that we family law attorneys deal with more serious issues and conflict than the department chairs of a university.  Was I wrong!  Given their reactions, I believe these department chairs deal with a similar level of conflict.  That means that this message about mediating conflict is more universal that I had believed.   

Mark, Ketan and I lectured for the first part of the day and conducted a few mock mediations at the end of the day, to give all the attendees some practice before tossing them back out into the world of conflict.  There are some very talented mediators among these professors.  Some are naturals, and some really incorporated our teaching into how they worked the problem.  As always, I was amazed at the various styles each person brought to mediation.  Some mediators used a bit of small talk to warm up the two sides.  Some used silence and observation to great effect.  I adore the fact that mediation is flexible to accommodate different styles and still be equally effective

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Charlotte Collaborative Divorce Professionals Holiday Party

Posted by Heidi Risser
on December 12, 2018

Last week, I attended the Charlotte Collaborative Divorce Professionals Holiday Party.  I have been a member of this group for more than 10 years.

Last night, looking around the room, I was amazed at how this group has grown over the years.  Meetings like this used to be just a few of us who believed in the collaborative approach to family law.  Now, we have attracted many more attorneys, CPA’s, Certified Domestic Financial Planners, Divorce Coaches and Child Specialists.

I have worked with many of the people in the room last night, and they are an amazingly talented group.  The more I trust these fellow professionals to help my clients navigate the divorce process, the better they have made my work life and the better they have made the process for those I represent.  I also believe they have improved the outcomes for hundreds, and probably thousands, of people each year here in Charlotte and the surrounding areas.

It was nice to reflect on all of this at year’s end, and look forward to more of the same in the new year.

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Podcasts with Sandra Lee

Posted by Heidi Risser
on November 14, 2018

I was asked by my friend, Sandra Lee, to record two podcasts for her business—Emerge Victorious. Sandra is a well-respected Divorce Coach and Mediator in our community, so I was delighted that she asked me.  I recorded two episodes for Emerge Victorious:  the first one was on Divorcing with Children and the second one was on Choosing a Collaborative Divorce.

In discussing Divorcing with Children, Sandra wanted to know about my role as a Parenting Coordinator and how this can help parents with custody issues. I am a certified Parenting Coordinator, which just means that I completed an intensive, week-long course to train me how to do this work.  A Parenting Coordinator works with parents who are having problems making custody work.  The Parenting Coordinator usually has both parents in the office at the same time, to identify and rectify the issues that that are making co-parenting difficult.  Courts are not the best places to deal with the “little things” that parents experience when trying to co-parent, such as when a parent is consistently late delivering or picking up the children or when one parent does not sign the reading log for school.  These “little things” become big problems, and can lead to conflict between the parents or bad grades for the child.  It is experiences like this that cause a child to be “put in the middle” of his or her parents’ divorce.  A Parenting Coordinator works with the parents to improve communication and bring down the hostility, which means the parents become better co-parents.  This improves the situation for the child, and provides a more emotionally stable environment for the child.

Sandra also discussed Choosing a Collaborative Divorce with me. I have been a Collaborative Family Law attorney for more than 12 years here in Mecklenburg County.  Before discovering collaborative law, I worked for some very fine litigators in NC.  I found that the collaborative approach to divorce was a better fit with my personality and with the way I like to work my cases.  Collaborative law addresses the fears and concerns of both parties, and the participants can find a more creative solution to the problems involved in a divorce.  Courts are very constrained in the solutions they can provide, but two collaborative attorneys and their clients can tailor a solution to the needs of the family.  Sandra describes the collaborative method as a “kinder and gentler” way to handle a divorce.  I like it, because it is private, self-scheduled, less expensive, and less acrimonious.  Also, I can be a problem-solver, instead of a problem-creator.  I believe the solutions are better able to stand the test of time, because both parties have input on the solution.  It’s harder for the parties to accept what a stranger in a black robe decides for them.

Sandra and I have worked in the collaborative community for years, and we had a fairly in-depth discussion of both Parenting Coordinator and Collaborative Law. If you want to learn a little more about either topic, this is an easy and quick way to do it.  Head over to Emerge Victorious and listen.

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40 Hour Mediation Class

Posted by Heidi Risser
on November 1, 2018

On October 26th, Mark Riopel, Ketan Soni and I finished up our first 40-hour Mediation Training class.  We had a terrific class of attendees. All of us worked very hard over a two-week period. The moral and enthusiasm of the attendees remained high, even after four ten-hour days!

Ketan, Mark and I pose after teaching our 40-hour mediation training.

Ketan, Mark and I pose after teaching our 40-hour mediation training.

We enjoyed getting to know the students and learning why they want to become mediators. Most of the students in the class were lawyers. We also had several non-lawyers in attendance. It was inspiring to see them hone their mediation skills and become better mediators over the course of the class.

Sarah Kemble lent her help to the class - thank you Sarah!

Sarah Kemble was an enthusiastic attendee of the class – thank you Sarah!

We covered several topics that are pertinent in mediation during the class. We learned bargaining techniques, basic family law topics, Myers Briggs issues, and High Conflict issues. Additionally, mock mediations gave everyone a chance to practice new mediation skills.

Ann Kreindler Seigal was a fabulous, enthusiastic student - thank you Ann!

Ann Kreindler Seigal was a fabulous, enthusiastic student – thank you Ann!

Mark, Ketan and I were so pleased that our local mediation community supported our class by serving as mock mediation observers and guest speakers. We could not have asked for a better beginning to our mediation training. I cannot wait to offer this class again in the Spring!

For more information on mediation training, please visit our website here.

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Ketan Soni’s Up and Coming Mediator Award Ceremony

Posted by Heidi Risser
on October 25, 2018
Ketan Soni poses at the NCDRC Up and Coming Mediator Award ceremony in Raleigh.

Ketan Soni poses at the NCDRC Up and Coming Mediator Award ceremony in Raleigh.

I am so proud of my fellow mediation trainer, Ketan Soni.  He has just won the first annual Up and Coming Mediator Award presented by the North Carolina Dispute Resolution Commission (NCDRC).

Tara Kozlowski, Executive Director of the DRC, and I caught up at Ketan's award ceremony.

Tara Kozlowski, Executive Director of the DRC, and I caught up at Ketan’s award ceremony.

Ketan and I drove up to the Dispute Resolution Commission (DRC) in Raleigh, NC on Wednesday of last week for the first annual 2018 Up and Coming Mediator of the Year Award.  The DRC honored Ketan because of his outstanding work innovating and furthering the mission of mediation in North Carolina.

Chief Justice Mark Martin presents Ketan Soni with the Up and Coming Mediator of the Year award.

Chief Justice Mark Martin presents Ketan Soni with the Up and Coming Mediator of the Year award.

Ketan developed and taught Continuing Mediation Education courses in Charlotte, NC. He also developed and will teach an upcoming Mediator Training course.  Ketan also has made great strides developing his own mediation practice.  Ketan’s award was presented by Chief Justice Mark Martin, the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of North Carolina

Ketan poses with Chief Justice Mark Martin, Tara Kozlowski, and Maureen Robinson, Administrative Assistant of the DRC.

Ketan poses with Chief Justice Mark Martin, Tara Kozlowski, and Maureen Robinson, Administrative Assistant of the DRC.

In addition, Ketan found out that the NCDRC adopted a new Advisory Opinion (AO 38). This prevents lawyers or mediation participants from using the notes or statements made during mediation, with a few narrow exceptions, in furtherance of a claim for attorneys fees.  This will protect the mediator from having to testify in attorneys fees hearings and will protect the process of mediation in general.  Way to go, Ketan!

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Collaborative Method

Posted by Heidi Risser
on October 16, 2014

The Collaborative method of resolving family law matters is very different from litigation. First, the Collaborative method involves signing a Collaborative Agreement. In the Collaborative Agreement, both parties and their collaborative attorneys agree to share information openly, to negotiate in good faith, and not to litigate. If the matter does not settle, both parties must find new attorneys. This way, both the parties and the lawyers have “skin in the game.” Next, both parties and their lawyers begin to meet. We call these 4-way meetings. The issues are discussed, information and documents are exchanged, and possible solutions are presented. Along the way, other professionals may be called in to help the parties resolve any differences, such as: financial advisors, tax experts, child therapists, or mediators. Once the issues have been resolved, final settlement documents are prepared and signed by the parties. Risser Law offers the Collaborative method to every case in which it is appropriate and prefers this method of settling family differences.

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Children Don’t Get to Choose

Posted by Heidi Risser
on September 18, 2014

Many people believe there is a “magic age” at which children can choose which parent they live with or whether they visit a parent at all.  The perceived age ranges from twelve to fifteen.  People think, “By fifteen, certainly my child can choose not to see my ex, right?”  Wrong.  In North Carolina, children do not have that choice until they are eighteen, in other words, until they are legally adults.  Until that time, courts generally encourage children to spend time with both parents.  Sometimes, when one parent is extremely resistant to the child seeing the other parent, a court will insist the child spend time with the other parent.

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